This broke my little comped-out heart. This is how self-shame arises: comparing yourself to what you perceive everyone to deem beautiful. Maureen, a high yellow girl with pretty clothes, may be cute, sure. But her cuteness should not, in turn, make Claudia, Pecola and Freida ugly. Beauty is fluid and subjective, and this is where shame rolls its bulbous head, shifting its eyes towards the vulnerable. These girls were young enough to view the ways adults cooed at light skinned girls, but they hadn't thought of themselves as ugly because of it. After Maureen called them "black and ugly e mos" they realized that she wan't the enemy but "The Thing to fear was the Thing that made her beautiful, and not us" was. This "thing" is what tells you that you are lesser because of something you can't change. This "thing" convinces you to believe you are shameful in comparison to what "thing" boasts to be beautiful.
That "thing" is everyone and no one. It is the media, your family, the medical institutions, you. In this case, their blackness was now ugly. In Pecola's case with Geraldine, her blackness and poverty was now ugly. Ugliness can be inscribed on anything: body weight (both fat and skinny), skin color, hair texture, clothing, anything can be ugly. What must be avoided is believing this ugliness. It does not have to be claimed or owned; the shame does not have to be allowed in.
How can we convince others to realize this? That the only thing that is ugly, is shame?
I agree that self shaming is caused by "things" that surround our lives and influence how we think about ourselves. Self shaming starts at the core of the self. I think that first way to make others realize their self shaming is to make them aware of it. We need to recognize what these “things” are that create the shame. For example, most people internalize messages from the media and are unconscious of its effects on their self esteem. People need to become aware of the shame they are placing on themselves from these external factors. Conscious raising needs to be put in motion to have people view these “things” as something that cannot determine beauty. In Pecola’s case she allows people to influence the way she views herself and permits the word ugliness to be inscribed on her body. Perhaps if she had someone to tell her she is beautiful and loved her for who she is, she would have not been in a desperate need for blue eyes. Maybe the easiest way to solve the problem of self shaming is to respect and love each other for the way we are. Unfortunately, that is probably an unrealistic solution.
ReplyDeleteI agree that creating awareness of self shaming is a great first step. I feel like upon realizing that these “things” are just “things”, then they will be much less likely to be internalized. Many times people don’t realize something is wrong until it is brought to their attention.
ReplyDeleteThis can be applied to both when advertisers tell you that some”thing” is ugly, and that you need this new wave technology to fix it. And if you didn’t even know that your hair was the wrong color until the television pointed it out, then what makes you have to realize it now?
Also, people may not even realize that this is happening to them. I was talking to my friends mother once and we were talking about Cosmopolitan magazine. She said that it was in her bathroom and anytime she would go in there, she would read it, and afterwards she would feel so terrible about herself. She didn’t even realize that the reason she felt terrible was because the Cosmo was telling her things that were wrong with her, and that she needed to do this “thing” to be happy....but upon realizing the issue she stopped reading the magazine, and therefore stopped internalizing it’s messages.
Paige, I refuse to actually read the "articles" in Cosmo because they are bleep-ing ridiculous. No, I would not like to simultaneously make my ass smaller and rounder. No, I think my hair is luscious enough without putting highlight and lowlights and other shit. No, I don't want to pour hot tea on a guys balls. (I made the last one up but it sounds plausible.
ReplyDeleteThe point is, "thing" is so damn annoying. We do need to be self-conscious and other-conscious. View everything from multiple angles to figure out why we feel bad about ourselves, similar to what Jess said.
I honestly do not think we could ever get people to understand that shame is what's ugly, mostly because the general population does not think that is true. We are educated of this shameful-body-image-epidemic, so we question it. I'm going to say the general population has a large basis of judgement around the way someone looks, hell, even I do. An example is if you walk through Meadville and someone that is dressed in ragity clothing and is not the most attractive person, you probably wouldn't stop and talk to them. Studies have shown that people who are in the more attractive population get treated better by the people around them. This is true because society has made it this way and it is what we learned as a young child. We have all these "things" around us, most of the time we don't even recognize the things around us. I just feel like it is nearly impossible to basically change something about our judgement that has practically, naturally embedded in us.
ReplyDelete