The concept of being “ruined” by a man is one of the pivotal struggles that some women have. It is represented in art and in other creative pieces. It is also represented in the novel, The Bluest Eye, by Toni Morrison. The idea that women can be ruined by a man because of an adverse sexual experience at a young age is represented. But does this really ruin the young girl? I would vote no but I would add to it that it is pedophiliac act to touch a young girl or boy. With that said, I believe that this concept is wrong b/c instead of focusing on the abuse that it causes towards women, the main focus is that the young girl is now ‘ruined’ so no man will ever want her again. As I was looking up information on the topic, the first link I arrived to on a Google search was entitled Five ways Women Ruin Their Chances With Men (http://www.theshootingrange.net/1571/five-ways-women-ruin-their-chances-with-men.php )
This list played on the stereotypes of how women act in a relationship, such as “trying to change him” and “Not playing fair”. I believe that these can go for men in a relationship as well. As I looked down the page I searched I saw more and more examples of how women ruin their men and how women must be careful or he will dump you. I think that these topics that were first on the list speak to society and the belief that once a women has had too many sexual partners (according to social standards), or has had sex or been touched too young, she is ruined. But this concept of being ruined doesn’t apply to men, therefore giving women a double standard that they have to abide by and apply their lives to. This furthers the oppression of women in a way that constricts the sexual life. If a boy has sex at a young age, depending on the circumstances, it is seen totally different than if a girl is in the same situation. What does this mean in our society? Does it mean that media and society want to constrict the sex lives of women, by giving women names and negative labels if she has sex too much? Why does media and society care how much women have sex? I’m sure, on a fundamental level it’s just the same as men having sex but to imply that a women is ruined after being raped or after being molested crosses the boundaries and sets things on an unfair level. If anything, shouldn’t the person who rapped the victim be ruined? In the novel The Bluest Eye we see this example with the character of Frieda. She was molested by a character named Mr. Henry and was afraid that she would was ruined, just like the whores that everyone in town did not like. One cannot be literally ruined after being molested or put into compromising sexual situations. It is society that put these restrictions up and it is up to us to take them down.
I love that you wrote a blog about this! Double standards are something we've talked about before in class and it is so frustrating! The negativity around the lives of young women's sex lives is shameful. Number one, when were people given the right to judge people by their sex lives? I feel like a person's sex life is not directly related to whether they are a good or bad person. In my English class we are reading work from the 17th and 18th century and A LOT of the basis for woman characters are based on their sex. In that time period they were referred to as "fallen" women. If a young girl was found to be sexually active prior to marriage she would be considered fallen and would have that scare on her reputation for the rest of her life. Another thing I have a huge problem with is why does the VICTIM get scrutinized? We see this in modern day cases of rape all the time. The girl was a whore or asking for it? How is it fair a girl is "ruined" when she didn't even have a choice? Why should a girl be considered ruined when her dad raped her? Why isn't it the man who is ruined?? Somethings I will just never understand.
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